I need to vent

Supposedly the majority of migraine sufferers see a drastic decrease in migraines during pregnancy while a RARE 10% see an increase. And I can bet you know what side of the coin I fall on that one. Even without being pregnant migraines RULE my life. For 20 years I have tried everything under the sun, cancelled plans, suffered, tried to be hopeful and seen too many doctors to count. I live a life my triggers and always have a plan if a migraine attack comes on… I know the drill. But now during pregnancy when I am ONLY able to take acetaminophen and fiorecet I am in a dark place. Tylenol does nothing for me, literally it is as if I am taking a piece of candy. Fiorecet also does nothing for me but also causes terrible rebound migraines. How funny a medicine they give you for migraines also causes them. Typical. So what am I to do….. suffer. I am not being dramatic that is literally what I have to do. I am getting about 3 migraines a week and since I can not take anything each of these lasts around 24 hours. The cruel part is when the internet is telling me to sleep it off, I am in so much pain I can not sleep. I literally can not do anything but lay in bed, cry and pray. My high risk doctor told me to go to the ER when they get this bad but in what world am I going to have thousands of dollars just laying around for each visit. If I went to the ER to get what…. IV fluids each time I want to die at the end of this pregnancy I imagine the bill would be close to $100k.

People tell you and the Internet tells you the baby feels your stress and your emotions but literally what in the actual hell am I suppose to do when I am in so much pain it would bring a grown man to his knees? And please don’t you DARE tell me “it will be worth it”…. I am not an idiot, I am well aware that I will in fact survive and completely fall in love with this baby boy when he arrives. But that is no way negates that right now I am at a loss to find any joy currently in my pregnancy. The first 12 weeks I had morning sickness, weakness and felt overall crummy… I spent 75% in bed and now I am almost 17 weeks and once again I am AT least bedridden for 1/2 the week. Put the pandemic on top of that and I am feeling super isolated. There is no fun baby shopping, meeting a girlfriend for lunch to talk about how maternity pants suck… there is just me inside my house. Yes, Chris is great…. he picks up the slack when I cannot. He wishes he could help me but this is literally a lone struggle. I knew pregnancy would be hard on me, I saw how horrible infertility treatments were to me. But I really wanted to be proven wrong.

I spend a ton of time online reading medical reviews about migraine drugs and pregnancy and no one knows anything. All anyone can tell you is : Don’t skip meals, do not stress, get rest, relax to help combat migraines which is a literal JOKE. I have been laying awake since midnight, laying in my own pain and misery and finally I got up at 4am. Here I am. Getting this off my chest has to make me feel a little better. And I know I can not be the only one who has ever felt this way. But when everyone is like full of cute bump pics, nursery planning and look at my cute preggo outfits it sure is hard to relate. And sure friends and family try…. they understand my headaches aren’t great but even now I am being totally “PG” on how I honestly feel physically and emotionally…. because its scary to hear the truth. I often wonder what lesson am I to be learning from this? But then again what lesson have I learned over the last 20 years of migraines?

You guys, I am not asking for anything… I am not asking for sympathy or even your prayers but I have always felt this need to shed light or open the door on the world of migraine sufferers and what we all go through. Maybe one day someone in the medical field will make this disease a priority and maybe in my lifetime find an actual course of action and treatment. The sad thing about this is finding hope. This isn’t going away tomorrow, or next week or maybe next month…. this will continue for the duration of my pregnancy and then into the rest of my life. Its crazy how when you have an “invisible” illness people tend to think you are crazy.

Thank you all for listening. Wish me luck today

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