Gather round, it’s story time

Let me preface this story with it really is better when I tell it to you in person or on the phone, because I get quite animated and that makes it all the better. SO imagine me telling you this, while dying on the inside, laughing and using a lot of hand gestures. And you are welcome, I haven’t shared a true mortifying story in some time so clearly we were overdue.

First off my house was built in the 50s, old pipes and old toilets….. you see where I am going? Second, new dude I am seeing was here to witness and experience the whole thing. YAY ME! SO yesterday I jump in the shower and for the first time since being in this house the shower wasn’t draining, which is odd. I get out of the shower and shortly after flush the toilet I realize the toilet will not flush and as the water rises I panic…. ONLY to turn around and see that apparently sewer water is backing up into my TUB! I am literally like, OH dear GOD what am I going to do…….. so I have to open the door and tell new dude what has happened because there is NO hiding this. SO next I do what any late 30 something would do… call my DAD! I got advice so new dude and I go to Lowe’s to get something super strong to put in toilet and tub to clear whatever the clog is. Thankfully he is a good sport. We come back to my house dump it in and wait. I think ok, the worst is over……. but NO it is not…….

The toilet still isn’t flushing so bless his heart new dude plunges my toilet as a little piece of my soul died and floated up to heaven. Then he comes out of the bathroom and says “You do NOT want to go in there, a bunch of “stuff” backed up into the tub you need to call someone” I mean lucky we are both laughing although my laugh is slightly a crazy laugh while my eyes are tearing up. So you think this can not get ANY worse? Trust me, it can…….

So plumber comes over and says basically my sewer pipes are so old yada yada and he needs to snake my pipes, ok that works…. all the while I am pretending this isn’t happening. But then….. plumber comes in and says I want to show you all something, and I am like ok new dude come with in case I don’t know what he is telling me and like something out of a movie when we walked into my backyard life started happening in slow motion. What the plumber wanted to show “us” was the “clog”. I literally kid you not and before I could do anything about the fact that new dude was walking behind me he too in fact saw the clog. Use your imagination and then times it by 100 and that is the level of mortification you should be feeling for me right now. Then as the plumber, myself and new dude are all frozen not knowing what to do the plumber begins to inform me about how all my tampons have caused a blockage. New dude looks at me and said my face went ghostly white and he saw how I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole so he did the next best thing and started laughing uncontrollably. All the while plumber is still discussing the ramifications of tampons in my toilet……

New dude and myself walk back into my house and proceed to laugh uncontrollably for what seemed like forever. THANK God, he has a good sense of humor… I mean why did this happen to me? The only positive is that I haven’t laughed that hard in who knows when, it was like a full on ab workout gut punching laughter.

How does this end? With new dude watching TV as I go and deep clean my bathroom for an hour. This situation isn’t something you want to happen with around ANYONE let alone someone NEW to your life. I am not sure what lesson I was suppose to learn from yesterday other than I guess you can not actually die of mortification, because I did wake up this morning! I hope this made you laugh as much as it made me. Happy Sunday friends!

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