Saturday night was my Farewell Party here in Castle Rock. It was important to me to have it here in CR because I love this city, I will miss so much about it so I definitely wanted one more special night. Saturday night was SO much fun, very mixed emotions for sure but overall exactly what I needed. I just tried to be in the moment and not really process saying goodbye to all these people that I love. When everyone said goodbye I told them NO tears, its not goodbye, just see you later. All the people I love came, we laughed, we danced and so many hugs. Thank you to everyone who came it means the absolute world to me!
I will say when I woke up yesterday there was a HUGE shift, this is the week and I am feeling it. Matt is the same way he was upset yesterday as was I. Even as I type this out my brain feels like it is on fire…. I have so much to do, call utilities, get CR home clean, carpets done, finalize movers for tomorrow, get the Oklahoma house ready, clean, get oil change, plan drive, still working on our divorce, closing on our home is 2 weeks out and my to do list is sooooo long. Its like any empty space in my brain is full of stress, sadness and anxiety. I am so scared to pull out of the driveway on Thursday, say bye to Matt and this life. I mean Matt is my other half and I will be cutting the cord Thursday and I am scared. I feel sick to my stomach and oddly right now as I type this I can’t form the words I want to. So I am going to leave this here and ask for positive vibes and love this week as it just might be the hardest week of my life and our life.