Thank You ALL for your support and love to both myself and to Matt. I really do feel like my small tribe has rallied and that has been so good for my soul during this time. I thought I would take some time today to update you all…
Last weekend Matt’s family was in town and we all went to the Browns/Broncos game, we did the tailgate and had the best time. This has been planned since this Summer and we have all been counting down the days, plus it was so fun to take his family to their first NFL Game!
Some people have since asked how was that? Matt and I are divorcing and yet we hosted his whole family and my reply was and IS simple…. we are still family. In fact we had so much fun that it made me sad. I went to bed early after the game, we were all at our house and I could still hear laughter from downstairs and that made me happy and so sad at the same time. Of course I am going to miss that. It just adds to the complexity of this whole situation. It’s like my brain has a hard time wrapping itself around everything making it difficult to know how to feel.
I am in a grieving process I think, I am having a hard time finding motivation for my daily life, I have been sleeping a lot and eating. Which blows because I have gained weight and then that adds to this whole me feeling shitty scenario. It’s a complex time in my brain. Matt and I went to dinner for his Birthday a week or so ago and we talked about how we are in limbo and that is hard for us both so this week we are going to be listing our home for sale by owner. Right now I am in operational mode so I am trying to not give it too much thought. Because this is my dream home, I love everything about it. it also puts some anxiety on me and us because will this sell quick and if so I need to find a place to live. Which brings me to my next revelation…….
I will be moving back to Oklahoma. Listen, I LOVE Colorado…. I love my life here, I love this state, I love the weather and frankly I am grieving this state also. But my family is in Oklahoma and to be honest I can’t afford to live here single. I can start over with a new life in OKC with some freedom to figure myself out where here I would be finding the same size place as Oklahoma but paying upwards of $400,000 for a single place. Thats crazy. SO MUCH CHANGE.
I wanted to update you all on the logistics. Thanks for listening to my morning brain dump!