Hi everyone I know I have been away for the past month but sometimes you need to pull back and deal with life in the real world. If you know me then you know that through this blog, by writing my posts it is like therapy. I am pouring feelings into words or expressing when times are hard and I am getting it out of my head. Doing that is incredibly good for me, I tend to push everything down deep inside and then those negative feelings or thoughts come out in the form of migraines or lately hives. And you guys, my poor poor cuticles have taken a beating (LOL)! You all also know this is MY blog, this represents only me. I have NEVER and will NEVER hash out or put to word something that will hurt anyone else. This post and the ones to come in the future I am sure are only from my perspective, my feelings and where I am going from here.
What I am sharing today is that sadly sometimes Love isn’t enough to make a marriage last. I am devastated to share with you all that after 12 years of marriage and almost 15 years of togetherness Matt and I are separating. Sometimes people change and sometimes the marriage just can’t keep up. We are in the process right now of all that entails but I am happy to say that we are still living together and that works for us. We both love and care for one another and I am proud to say that we are great roommates currently. Yes, that is hard on both of us…. we are living daily in a form of limbo or just wading in water as I feel but thats where we are. And thats the brutal truth.
I have never been through this before and Matt has been my entire life so I feel lost. I felt like my goal was to support Matt and his business which was our future and now that things are no longer that way I am mourning the death of our marriage as well as the future we had planned out for us. I have been sleeping a lot, I compare myself to a computer right now and things are so jumbled that the spinning wheel of death has taken over and I don’t know where to go from here.
Today isn’t about me sharing any details, or to talk about what the future will hold for us both but for me to start to crack open the vault inside of myself and get some of my feelings out. I appreciate everyone who has been by both my and Matt’s side over the last month as well as the people who will be there in the coming months. It’s tough this isn’t just a loss for Matt and I but both of our families as well. SO keep them in your thoughts also. This use to be my favorite week of the whole year…. Our Anniversary (27th), Matts Birthday (30th) and then today Halloween but instead this week has been brutal. Trust me I know that one day I will look back on this and see this as a valley in my life….I know that peaks will be in my future, in both of our futures. But right now I am in the spinning wheel of death.