Verbal Vomit

I have talked before about my problem with saying what is on my mind AND not in an offensive way to others but to myself, my problem with interrupting and my tendency to generally over-sharing. What is funny is that I am aware I do all 3 which is usually the first step to getting better…. Acknowledgement. BUT for me it is like I tend to “verbally vomit”. Like before I even know it the over-sharing is flowing out of my mouth. I know you all love that analogy….

For instance, this week I went to a happy hour with a new friend and I met her 2 friends and I completely over shared. Yes, yes I am an open book and I do not think that is a bad thing but before I know it I say too much. These ladies seemed receptive and we all chatted BUT what are they going to do… be like, stop talking?! It’s as if I have no control over it but I do and I should. Then you see what happens is that I leave the happy hour or any other time this happens and I self loathe. I was mad at myself all night, I feel deep anxiety over how I portray myself and not so much regret on anything I said because I am an open book BUT why for the love of GOD do I jump in head first?! I then spend the evening over analyzing everything I said and what I should have done different and down the rabbit hole I go.

All week I have been really trying to dig deep and realize WHY I tend to do this and I think I have part of an answer. I think making friends as an adult is hard so I tend to go all in. In the sense that I throw things out and see what sticks. As if I am throwing things out about myself seeing if we have any commonalities which to me form friendships. It’s literally like I am throwing darts at the other person. WHY? do I do this? And the better question is how do I dial it back? And even more so, how DO you make friends as an adult?

Many of you know I am very self deprecating, I have no problem pointing out my flaws to others such as “look at me, I am so normal…. me too…. blah blah blah” and there is no need for that either. This year my word of the year is GROW. And these are absolutely areas I need personal growth on. Does anyone else find yourself in similar situations? It’s like this year started and I am not sure who I am anymore. As if some of my lesser traits have a spotlight shining on them. Maybe this is my midlife crisis. Who the hell knows, clearly not me! LOL! But since Jan 1 I have had a few hard blows to me, my ego, my heart and combine that with this excessive need to “verbally vomit” and I feel as though I am wading in the deep end and I am not sure where the ladder is. Getting this all out on “paper” via this blog is helpful, this helps to clear my head and for me to analyze while I type. But the funny thing is this is an example….. I am throwing this post out there like a dart and I will wait to see if it sticks with anyone. The irony is not lost on me. Geez.

Does anyone have any insight? Something that has stuck with you? I am always open to ideas and to have someone throw a dart back at me.

3 Comments

  1. Janet W
    February 15, 2019 / 12:24 pm

    Fellow over sharer vomit person here too! Not many adult friends so, when you find out let me know! I have analyazed myself and think, if they see me trusting all my “stuff” to them that they will in return or see that they mean something to me or why would I do that. They never have shared in return. If anything, some have avoided me after or just say Hi and they start to walk away. Now, I have clammed up and if someone does approach me I say I am fine and I am doing the walking away (before my mouth says more….). I am glad you are an open book. Not many people like that in the world!

  2. Kelli
    February 18, 2019 / 6:32 am

    I find myself doing the same thing – however, I appreciate being around people who put it out there, who allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to be an open book as opposed to people who are too hard to get to know. I almost would prefer someone put it all out there and then decide if I want to explore a friendship more with that person/hang out with them again. Like you said, making friendships as an adult can be difficult and no one has time to beat around the bush. I don’t mind putting it all out there – I just try to watch how much of the conversation I’m monopolizing and allow other people their time to talk, too, which can be hard for me when I’m on a roll 🙂 Don’t beat yourself up.

  3. Becky
    February 26, 2019 / 12:12 pm

    First, don’t beat yourself up. It’s part of your personality. If someone doesn’t want to hang out with you because you shared more than they are comfortable with, then that is on them. BUT….since you don’t like this about yourself, I think talking to a counselor about this trait is a good place to start. They are better equipped to help you determine where this comes from and provide tools for dialing it back a little. (As for our friendship, you are definitely the one that say whatever is on my mind and know you will not judge me for it. :-D)

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