This will more than likely me a very unpopular post, but here’s the thang……. I have all this nonsense in my head and I need to get it out. Hence, my blog and not everything I post is all sunshine and roses…. I post about real life and if you know me then you know I am very forthcoming.
Now, this post I can guarantee will be universally agreed upon by anyone who has or is going thru infertility. And I can also guarantee that this post will be useful for anyone who knows someone going thru infertility. Think of this as a guide to expand your mind. K, thanks.
1. “If you just relax, and remove all the pressure to conceive then I know it will just happen“….
Oh wait, you mean that if I have sex with my husband that could get me pregnant? I had no idea, why in the world didn’t we try that first. SAID NO ONE EVER. Here is the thing people really get confused and have NO IDEA how to conceive a baby. It is scientifically IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant during any given month unless it is during that special 3-4 days MAX that you are ovulating. And I swear even though a doctor has explained this to Matt and I even Matt gets confused sometimes. Recently someone told him that we should just relax and try at home… and how if we have sex every day during a month like they did then we would get pregnant. I tried explaining to my husband that they got LUCKY, they had sex on the right day that she was ovulating and clearly didn’t have medical problems. SO good for them, but 80% of the days that month they had sex it was scientifically impossible for them to get pregnant.
Also please explain to me how knowing that a fertility specialist has given us a 2% chance of ever getting pregnant on our own… how us forgoing all medical intervention and taking the next few years of trying on our own… how will that be relaxing? I mean for real?
2. ” This is all in God’s timing, trust in his plan”…….
Here’s the thang, I am a Christian I have my own relationship with God and I believe in heaven. I pray to him daily about this process, it comforts me and prayer helps…your prayers help. Now with that saying I also believe that God has nothing to do with this process…. hear me out. I 100% will never believe that God says ” You see them, let’s make them deplete all their savings and add in emotional components and years of trying to have a baby because it’s not the right time” NO WAY. I know that God does know how our life will unfold, he knows before we are born BUT I believe in free will, environmental factors and all of that… that is what is making this complicated for us. Not because God has stopped us from having a baby until he wills it to be. You will never convince me otherwise. God does not make awful/bad things happen to us, I don’t think he would do that…he is made of love. Bad things do happen though, sadly and he sees it but does NOT cause it. SO no, the fact that we are not pregnant is in no way because God hasn’t said it’s our time yet… or that our time has passed. So telling someone in my position “It’s all part of Gods plan, trust it” is not helpful. at all. But telling them you are praying for them and here for them… is helpful.
3. “Why don’t you stop and just adopt”….
Well, adoption costs start at $35,000 and go up. So until we and many others like us magically have that amount of money it isn’t realistic. And I have nothing against adoption in fact if this works for us eventually and we have 1 child, I won’t do this again…. I would 100% save for adoption if we ever want a second child. But we are not there yet. We still have a few resources left to try before we stop to discuss this. And I am not sure if this is an all guy thing but Matt keeps saying “I need my bloodline and name to be passed on” and that doesn’t come into my realm of thinking. I could care less about our bloodline but since he is the last Savage male, he really has it in his mind that he NEEDS a child of his own from him. And for now I let him carry that thinking because it is giving him something to hold onto, I think.
Listen, it is just frustrating when people make you feel like what you are doing is wrong in some way. Or how God made us to have a baby one way, not in a doctors office… that is insane. God has given us smart doctors who help, I am thankful for that. It is just hard dealing with what goes on inside your own head during this process, dealing with how this effects your marriage without having to deal with judgment and uneducated comments from people. I realize that the majority of people have good intentions while some I know there is underlining… something. And one more thing do not let this scare you off, myself as well a most people going thru this do not mind you checking in with us at all. How is it going, asking questions about the process so you can learn is something I do not mind AT ALL!
So that is my piece today, I do feel much lighter now that I got this off my chest. Thanks for letting me talk this out.