Venting……

I am at the end of a very short pier so be warned before reading ahead……….

You guys I am literally besides myself in despair today….well this entire week actually.
Migraines……. before I start let me explain that there is NO cure…….. this isn’t something that I “caught”. This is a life long illness that is hereditary…. My Mom has these and woman on both sides of my family have these….so I am screwed.  Having migraines is just the same as having any other chronic illness and all we can do is manage and treat.

Now….moving on. Here it is Friday, today I want to clean house, grocery shop and tonight Matt and I are going to see Interstellar but once again I am dealing with a migraine. This is day 7 in a row and I cannot explain to you what I would do to never have another migraine again. You know in my head part of me thinks I just cannot ever have a child because somedays I cannot even take care of myself. Several days a week I am so sick and at some point of the day with a migraine I think…..how could I ever care for another human being? At those times I cannot even get out of bed without wanting to die. It is such an awful thought and so unfair. And sadly unless you have a chronic pain illness you literally cannot understand and that is not your fault.

My life is 100% ruled by my migraines….every single day all I can think about is…
“Please God let me feel good today”
“Please God let me feel better”
“Please let me wake up tomorrow and feel ok”
And this goes ON AND ON…….it is the first thing I think of every morning and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep.

This is a very short list of everything I DO and have DONE to manage my migraines and it is exhausting:
I have been going to a neurologist for 10 years
Tried at least 10 different daily preventative meds
Tried Botox
Rarely drink
Never smoke or around smoke
No drugs (although maybe I should living in Denver now…..ha)
Must get at least 8 hours of sleep and cannot get 8 hours one night then 6 the next or I am sick
Never skip a meal, always carry snacks
Get massages, get scalp massages
Tried essential oils, natural remedies
Yoga
Try to manage stress
Keeping a schedule each day to keep my body in a routine
Limiting my diet

I mean this list goes on for DAYS………………. I will try anything once! It is no wonder why people with chronic illnesses are more prone to depression.
I try to live my life like anyone and have fun. Dealing with chronic pain for over 12 years, it is amazing how much I can handle. I live my days and try to work thru the pain but somedays I can’t. I can’t imagine how tired Matt is of hearing me say EVERY SINGLE DAY….. that I don’t feel well. Sometimes I could just cry my eyes out….like today. It ISN’T fair!!! It’s not. I would do anything and you can’t even imagine what I would give up to never have another migraine again. And yes, I am lucky so many people are dealing with so much worse than I am…..but this is my life.

Thanks for listening.

3 Comments

  1. Jenna
    November 7, 2014 / 8:34 pm

    Ugh migraines are the worst! I am actually now seeing a Neurologist and have an MRI and Brain EKG on Monday to find the best course of action for mine. I take Maxalt and put peppermint oil on my neck, temples, and face when I'm having a migraine. My sister, who also suffers from migraines, sees a chiropractor on a regular basis. She says as long as she keeps up with her appointments that it helps keep her migraines at bay. I don't know if that is something that you would like to look into, but I thought I would suggest. I hope that you can find some comfort.

  2. Claire
    November 8, 2014 / 4:08 pm

    oh no, I feel so bad for you! I've never had a migraine but my mother in law used to suffer so bad the doctor would have to come out and give her injections to stop her from vomiting. I don't actually know what made hers stop, i'll have to ask her!!

  3. Anonymous
    November 13, 2014 / 4:41 pm

    I'm so sorry that you deal with this. I don't know if you use hormonal contraceptive (birth control pills), but sometimes getting off the pill can help. Sorry to be "one of those people," I know you've tried everything, but you never know what might help. I wish you the best.

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