Hi friends…..2 posts in one day? You may be thinking what did we do to deserve this? Well, you have probably spoke too soon……as this post is a rant or vent of sorts…………
How is my new job going? Good, I am doing good and I enjoy the positive feedback I have already gotten in these 2 short weeks.
What is not good? Is sitting in a cubicle, staring at 2 wide screen monitors for 8 hours, getting up and ready to leave my house before 7am and getting hit in the face with florescent lights all day. Friends, these two weeks have been the sickest I have been in …I don’t know how long! Every SINGLE day I have had to fight a migraine along with the urge to cry in a bathroom stall while at work each day. I don’t expect people to understand, people who have only had a “headache” from time to time literally can not relate but I will break it down for you……… Currently my head feels like it weights about 50 times putting pressure at the base of my neck making me feel like a bobble head, it feels also like someone has scalped me….shoved hot coals into my skull then put my scalp back on top too tight. It also feels like I must have a itty bitty gremlin sitting on my nose shoving an ice pick into my eye socket and then scrambling it around. I know I know….this all sounds like such crazy talk from a mad women but that is how I feel 100%. This illness is something that I will have to manage my whole life….there is NO cure and yes, I have tried everything and I have a neurologist, daily meds and the whole 9 yards. It is SO easy for me to get really down, I mean I do not even know what it is like for most people who actually wake up each morning and feel normal.?! I wake up each morning praying as hard as I can asking God for a good day. And the worst part? I have blown thru my meds so much so lately that according to insurance I should only have 2 more migraines for the next 2 weeks……as in I only have 2 pills left. I have to suffer, I can barely sleep with a migraine let alone sit at a desk staring at a computer for 8 hours a day while wanting to crawl under my desk and hide.
I am sorry to blow you all up with such a Debbie Downer of a post and yes, I am thankful to be alive for all of you eternal optimistic who always count your blessings……but it is hard, it is hard to be anything but blue sometimes. And you know what? I would let someone chop off at least 3 fingers, maybe more if they could guarantee me that for the rest of my life I would be migraine free. Sad truth.