Wednesday, April 18, 2018


Morning everyone, welcome to this outlet of mine where I overshare. Today is like Day 5 of a horrible migraine and when I get into a bad cycle like this it is very easy for me fall down the rabbit hole. And today is one of those days, I woke up feeling sorry for myself, I have no motivation for anything, I feel yucky and mind is in a bad place. Don't you ever get those days where you hate everything AND yourself? No? Just me? LOL
It's so easy on a day like today to then let my mind run off..... like today I am thinking, I am turning 37 next week. That is no longer middle 30s but LATE 30s. Then I think what have I done with my life, what is my purpose and that is a bad place to be my friends. Nothing good comes out of those questions. But it's true. I have never had a problem with my Birthday ever or my age but this year for some reason is different. 37 doesn't look like what I thought it would be but then again does it ever? I have always been a person searching for that meaning and purpose and those answers have led me to volunteering which I don't do enough of but also it leads me to small things. Such as projects around the house that makes things better for Matt and I, doing that gives me purpose if only for that day. Today I thought about starting some real deep Spring cleaning but I am don't even have the drive to do that. And that just isn't like me. Matt said, go to a movie... get your mind right and you know it's a crap day when I don't even want to go to a movie.
Lucky me I have had a dinner planned with 2 girlfriends tonight for a week and I need it. I just hope I have bounce back from this migraine and feel good enough to go. Spring is the WORST for me.... the change in pressure, storms coming and going, snow one day warm the other..... it is all KILLER for my head.
I think I can also get melancholy after family leaves, I forgot how nice it is to have someone to talk to. Like just at home, not even important talk just things that come into my mind. The dogs won't talk back as much as I think I know what they are saying! LOL. Matt is so busy either at work, golfing or when he is home he is playing games on his phone nonstop so sometimes I can go what seems like days without having any meaningful conversation with him. And even though I am super independent and I need my alone time to decompress that can get hard and lonely. I think that is why like tonight when I see my girlfriends I talk too much. It's embarrassing

Anyways .... enough of my complaining today. Just getting to type this out is very helpful, thanks for listening friends! Tomorrow will be a better day.


Anonymous said...

I am sorry you are struggling right now. We all have our bad days, so don't feel alone. Glad to listen. I do the same with the majority of the talking. I don't have close friends (that are not married) that I can talk to or are so invested in their children that they have time to socialize with me.

i hope your dinner was good and bent anytime. Glad to hear from you!

Becky said...

39 was my year. It was horrible.


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