Wednesday, October 25, 2017

This is Us, Part 7

It's NOT all easy...

If you know me or follow my blog then you know I am an open book. And I have loved so far looking back and recalling the great times for you all but it isn't all roses. I have been open about our struggles on here and with my friends. I have not nor will I ever be someone who says that marriage is the MOST wonderful thing ever, we are perfect. That is far from it. 
Below at my sister-in-laws wedding I can just see it on our faces, our forced smiles. I know how hard this time was for us. Marriage is like 🌊 waves..... there are ups, downs and in betweens. Some of those phases can be quick but other can last sometime. You just have to have faith the tide will turn.
 We have been thru my weight gain... 47 pounds. I was unhappy, I had never lived away from my family before.... that move, the before - after - and during was rough and I ate. I will always say that loosing 50 pounds as of today is one of my top accomplishments... because I did it on my own and the old fashion way.
Matt and I are both very prideful and passionate which means when we fight we fight hard. I have a funny story for you all...Maybe our second year of marriage when we were still in Okc and close to my parents let me add. Matt and I got into it so bad but he wouldn't let me leave (I flee when overwhelmed) I was desperate and I called, woke my parents and told them to come get me. Well they both came but as I ran out of the car Mom went inside to talk to Matt and Dad drove me around. AT this point I swear Mom and Dad sided with Matt more than me so Dad ultimately drove me back home and made my apologize to Matt. I am not a good apologizer... let me say.
 Matt and I have been thru deaths of our grandparents, members of our family being deployed and then the death of 2 of our children. Oscar and Abner... it's hard because we learn that we handle grief differently as well. All of that changes you, changes the marriage and you have to adjust for sure.
I have told several people that I am not necessarily celebrating "Oh I love you so so much for 10 years" rather than "We made it 10 years when we could have easily given up so many times and we need to celebrate that"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This totally almost has me sobbing at my desk! Congrats first on your weight look amazing and I have noticed you shrinking for a while but, didn't say anything.

I love your last sentence. I do a recovery program and tonight is our quarterly celebration. I relapsed on something 6 weeks to the day prior of my 2 years. Tonight I am due to "celebrate" and get my 1 year chip (a second time). I almost did not want to be on the list to go because, I was focusing on the regret of not being a 3 year chip!

I need to right that last sentence and maybe even use it in my mini-testimony of the past 440 days. It has not been easy and I will struggle and work hard at sobriety in this area but, I will celebrate NOT GIVING UP! I will hold on to the tide turning when in the midst of a storm and wanting to turn to old ways.

Thank you for sharing your firsts! Thank you for your transparency!! People always comment on mine in small group and when getting anniversary chips for sobriety. I feel like I owe that to you. You help me grow and I hope it helps others do the same.


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