Monday, April 3, 2017
The past few years our/my only purpose has been to get pregnant and being at a doctors office or not feeling well took up all my time. SO this year I wanted to fill my life again with things that make ME happy and I am not sure I have done that. I said YES, YES, YES and my life is FULL but I do not feel fulfilled AT ALL. It's funny Friday night Matt and I went to dinner and we were talking and I was telling him that even with all the heartbreak I was happier this time last year then I am now. I think it is complex but mostly because I had a purpose, my life might not have been full of joy but it was fuller than it is now. Now I feel like I am wading in the deep end.
You know someone recently told me then QUIT, quit everything..... clean house and find what makes you happy but I said I can't do that. I have commitments, things I said YES too. She then replied well is your happiness worth not wanting to let someone else down. And sadly most of me wanted to say YES. AGAIN with the yes. I don't know what to do or where to go from here but typing this out is helpful and it is a start right? Or should I say YES it is! (eye roll)