Monday, April 3, 2017

Yes

Are you a YES person?? People ask you say YES, opportunities open you say YES....... that sounds like a good thing but really it isn't. I have a problem with saying yes to everything because I can but not really thinking SHOULD I???? Is what I am saying yes to going to Nourish me or drain me?

The past few years our/my only purpose has been to get pregnant and being at a doctors office or not feeling well took up all my time. SO this year I wanted to fill my life again with things that make ME happy and I am not sure I have done that. I said YES, YES, YES and my life is FULL but I do not feel fulfilled AT ALL.  It's funny Friday night Matt and I went to dinner and we were talking and I was telling him that even with all the heartbreak I was happier this time last year then I am now. I think it is complex but mostly because I had a purpose, my life might not have been full of joy but it was fuller than it is now. Now I feel like I am wading in the deep end.
You know someone recently told me then QUIT, quit everything..... clean house and find what makes you happy but I said I can't do that. I have commitments, things I said YES too. She then replied well is your happiness worth not wanting to let someone else down. And sadly most of me wanted to say YES. AGAIN with the yes. I don't know what to do or where to go from here but typing this out is helpful and it is a start right? Or should I say YES it is! (eye roll)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Perfect post and just the confirmation I needed. I attend a recovery program at one church one night a week and attend another church on Sunday. I am on leadership at CR and serving bi-weekly on Sunday. Lately, I felt like I am going in the motions and stepped down from leadership. Since I no longer cared for Mom, I felt this emptiness to fill. I added a bible study from my church. I added a photography group at my church. I started a Saturday morning step study at the other. (I showed interest in a mission trip to Louisana, and volunteering for our churches women's conference in May).

I went to a volunteer meeting at my church and literally checked off every opportunity, I would attend classes on Sunday and learn/meet more people.

I started getting emails the end of last week and yesterday, confirming me joining these volunteer groups and getting on the list for a 4 month freedom class at my church. I am already committed to a 9 month Saturday morning recovery study.

All of the above with the goal of meeting new people and having people in my life (now that Mom is so far and living close to my sister) and expanding beyond one or two close people. I don't trust easily. So, I would not call them friends, even after 2+ years.

Needless to say, I had a quiet moment and realized a sermon or class or something I read. (I have SO many branches and keep adding more but, I don't have any roots or not even really a tree trunk. (No one true significant other). I am racking up miles and burning up gas, running myself physically and emotionally...oh and working full time.

So....my two cents and thousands spent in counseling the past 18 months. Stay solid in your tree trunk and roots, nourish those first and foremost (Matt, your fur babies, your family, your Becky's etc..). I am envious. I know it is hard with them being far away but, they are reachable by modern technology). Next, be still as well. Make a list if necessary. What brings you happiness? Is it working at the clothing store and to style people in person, adding to your amazing wardrobe or helping organizations knowing you are helping the less fortunate. Now, that you have sold some houses was that fun and filling emotionally to your heart or just a job, something interesting you tried and just was or not what you thought. Maybe it is to be a stay at home fur baby Mom.

Start with what makes your heart full and then the rest will follow. I hope some of this makes sense. You have such purpose and have a huge heart from reading your posts. Be still and hear where God wants to lead you. Even if it is just one thing! (Like it was just the one thing getting pregnant). I pray you find the direction and that it easy to say no. It was very hard to respond No's to two of the opportunities yesterday. I even typed them but, did not send them for hours. I am telling my bible study leader about not going on the trip and need to buy my ticket for the conference.

My sponsor told me last night, I need to build "my tribe" and stop being afraid of being hurt by others. Take the risk!

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