Wednesday, April 27, 2016

What's Next?


I am BAAACCCKK from Okc and I will be doing a post about all of that soon but this week is IMPORTANT and I don't want to miss it....... It is INFERTILITY AWARENESS WEEK! NIAW
I know your all think "oh dear is she gonna preach to us" and well, maybe. ha! But first I told you all that after I got back from Okc I would let you all know what our Fertility Specialist said and whats next for us........

Last Thursday during the time slot that was going to be our embryo transfer we met with our doctor to discuss what went wrong with this IVF round and what is next for us. And honestly it is hard to type, it is really so complex but I will do my best to make this short, sweet and simple. When we walked into his office he gave us the biggest and most genuine hugs AND that is why
A. We are in the best hands
B. This team becomes family
C. His office is the #15 Infertility Clinic in the United States

Our doctor expressed to us that he was honestly as shocked and upset by our egg retrieval as we were, only 1 egg?? No one saw that coming. He reviewed everything, from the moment we walked into his office almost ONE year ago. During this cycle ALL my blood work, estrogen levels, follicles were exactly where mine should have been and everything pointed to a successful retrieval. But you see that is why this is a lot of "Seeing what works with your body" and "Trial and Error" you literally cannot watch the eggs grow. So he said last week he went back and spent a morning with our Embryologist and they went thru the fluids took from my follicles (gross I know) and what they found was good news. There was presence of these cells I will refer to as the "Hype" cells. Ha, no really.... they are cells inside the follicles that are the cheerleader cells for the eggs. And if they were absent then maybe my body wasn't growing eggs BUT they were there. SO.... my body is showing egg growth. NOW..... maybe this means they just wouldn't come out or maybe this means that we didn't have my medicines at the correct levels to promote growth. And what is crazy about all this is that a year ago other than myself having some lower estrogen levels this infertility diagnosis for us was a sperm problem. But lucky us now it seems that we are both dealing with a diagnosis. And he told us that due to this there is NO chance to get pregnant any other way.
SO what does this all mean?
Our doctor believes that by doubling our injections and medicine protocol and switching out a few medicines for others (among a list of other stuff) that we could very well have a successful IVF.
When?
My body needs 2-3 months to heal from what we just put it thru. So we haven't spoken with the IVF coordinator just yet but it would look like our IVF cycle #2 would be August. And both Matt and I are on board with trying again.
SOOOO??
You know it's weird, If you don't have anxiety this is hard to wrap your head around.... but I don't mean to hide my feelings about all of this, I haven't meant to "not process" what happened last week yet. But it's like I just can't. And sadly my body doesn't know what to do with all of it and so my anxiety since last week has been out of control. And in fact I have been breaking out in hives, even at the Thunder game on Monday while having fun... HIVES! I mean I want to say "NICOLE< Let's cry this out" but I don't work that way. So I am having a tough time in that regard, I am having a tough time moving forward. And ya, I am scared about doing this all again.... You know what they say, Ignorance is BLISS and this first cycle was that for me. But this time knowing everything before hand scares me because it's a lot. But I am willing to put myself thru this all again in the HOPE of a different outcome.
I can't take anything for my anxiety in preparation for this next cycle so I am trying to pray, deep breathes, acupuncture and blogging... you all know that getting it out is helpful for me.
Matt was upset last week but he is hopeful for this second try and is putting his positivity towards that already.
HOW?
This Summer Matt and I are going to focus on being healthy, taking our prescribed supplements, relaxation, NO stress is huge for my body, I will continue acupuncture and we are going to try to enjoy the Summer together. I am going to try to not focus on AUGUST AUGUST AUGUST because that is an anxiety minefield but that is easier said then done.

National Infertility Awareness Week......
Now you didn't think I would end this post without a lesson did you? hehe! For Infertility Awareness Week Refinery29.com did this post on What NOT to say and it is SOOOOOOO SPOT on. I told Matt before I left for Oklahoma that if ONE person told me to "Relax and let it happen naturally" I would loose my crap. #sorrynotsorry
But honestly even if you don't know check out this list and educate yourself on a LONG list of things that are HURTFUL and are NOT funny to those of us dealing with infertility. My husband tells me that people around him say these things to him at least ONCE a day, so this affects men too. What is he suppose to say... "You know we had no idea, you mean to tell me actually having sex while relaxed might get us pregnant?" When inside we want to tell you to STFU.
Remember 1 in 8 people are dealing with this, it could be your friend, family member co-worker and most are not vocal like I am. This isn't just a "me" issue, it's a 1 in 8 issue.
Click HERE to read this list!

Lastly, this quote kinda sums me up at the moment and I know a lot of friends can relate. Thank you so much for listening and supporting.

1 comment:

The Less Than Domestic Goddess said...

I found your blog through Kelly's Korner's post on Infertility. We did one IUI and two rounds of IVF and were TTC for five years. Our second IVF produced my daughter. The stress and anxiety of infertility did a huge number on my mental health. I just wanted to send you some words of support. Sometimes waiting is one of the hardest parts of the process. I am thinking of you and hoping for good things in August!! xo

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