Sunday, March 20, 2016

Oscar Savage

Don't Grieve For Me 
Don' grieve for me, for now I'm free; I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call; I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day, to laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way; I found that place at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void, then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss; Ah yes, these things, I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow, I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much; good family, good times, a loved one’s touch.
Perhaps my time seems all too brief; don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me, 
God wanted me now, He set me free
Oscar Savage woke up on Friday March 18 and he was sick and sadly we knew that it was time. We got 5 wonderful months with him after his Cancer diagnosis. Time to love him, baby him, care for him but even with those 5 months you are never prepared to actually say goodbye. It still all seems so rushed. When Oscar Savage left this world to begin a new journey both Matt and I were by his side, just like the moment we both picked him up from an abusive home and welcomed him into ours.  
The picture above is taken on the day we rescued him 9 years ago, 9 years filled with love.....laughter....ups and downs.....moves......cuddles and kisses. 
The picture above is Oscar and his new brother Abner after we rescued him and below is when Oscar was part of the welcome committee for his new baby brother Ralph. Oscar always had a special bond with his cat sister Bella too, they were the original OG Savages. Oscar was never very good at sharing but the bond he had with his siblings was special and you can tell that they are grieving the loss of him as well. I mean I had 4 babies and now I have 3, it's hard to accept. 
Oscar Savage was a traveling man... He lived in Oklahoma, Ohio and Colorado. Him and his sister were the best travel buddies and I am sure he is telling everyone on his new journey about all his adventures. That is me trying to be positive, I believe it but I am not sure I am ready for the positive look back yet. I am still in the thick of it. We both are. 
I think one of the cruelest things is that after a diagnosis like cancer you become even closer. I know I did, for the last 5 months Oscar and I were attached at the hip... literally. Whether I was cleaning his eye, carrying him to be upstairs with me, rocking him like a baby on bad days.... our bond became even deeper than I could have imagined and I know Matt feels the same way too. So having to say goodbye was literally unbearable. Saying goodbye to someone I love more than myself, someone I loved sooooo fiercely, someone who was and is apart of me..... is so cruel.
 Matt and I 100% lost a child on Friday, and NO one can or will ever tell us any differently. All 4 of our animals are our children and the hole in our hearts is the most pain we have ever felt. We are drowning in our grief. Both of us didn't know it was possible to cry for 6 continuous hours, but it is. And sadly the past 2 mornings we woke with tears after crying ourselves to sleep.
We are trying to be strong for our 3 other animals because we know they are dealing with this too and that is heartbreaking to see. But Matt and I both have moments where we feel like we will never get out of this pit of despair... then I worry about the day I do...... I don't ever want to forget anything about my boy. 
We know he is not in pain anymore, we know the decision was right but that doesn't make this any easier.... yet. And for me I am having a hard time with the actual process..... I was there for Oscar but seeing it happen and leaving the room when he was gone was unbearable and I can't stop replaying it over in my head. I just pray that my mind STOPS... stops the what ifs and stops the thinking. 
For those of you who have never experienced the deep love an animal can bring to you, I'm sorry and this might seem extreme to you but to us we lost a child. 

Thank you for all the well wishes, thoughts and prayers that have been sent our way. The road will be long for us but over time our grief will hopefully turn into happy memories. 

Oscar Savage, you were one of the loves of our lives. We miss you with ever fiber we have and the hole in our hearts that was you will never be full. You brought us so much joy, God truly sent you to us and we could never thank him enough. We always tried to do right by you, protected you, loved you and always smothered you with kisses. Love, Mom and Dad. 


1 comment:

Sarah Couture said...

Nicole I am so sorry to hear this. You were an awesome mom to Oscar and still are to your 3 other fur babies. We went through this last summer with our Kayla and there are days where I see the plant we planted in her memory with a small stone we got engraved for her and I lose it.
I will keep you and Matt in my prayers along your other animals as they adjust as well.
-Sarah

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