Wednesday, March 23, 2016
He is Home
I feel like I have reached a different level in my grief.... a time where I can't believe this is real. I literally have to stop myself and try to wrap my head around it all. It's like I have reached some stage of denial..... like my brain and heart wants to stop believing this is true. How can this be??? I keep saying to myself.... how can this be. I am also scared, scared of the day that the pain will go away... I feel like when that happens part of Oscar will go away. Like the pain is somehow keeping him close to me, I know it sounds crazy but it's how I feel. I also feel guilty for a smile or a laugh. I know I know he would want me to be happy but it somehow doesn't seem right. yet.
I miss his rhino buns, his dashing grey around his face, I miss how excited he got to go to the mailbox with me, I miss seeing him run, I miss kissing the sweet spot on his neck, I miss watching him sleep, I miss how excited he got over meal time, I miss seeing the sun on his face, I miss hold him on my chest like a baby, I miss his growls and how demanding he was, I miss watching his face light up when I brought home a "new toy", I miss snuggling him, I miss his stinky breathe..................