Thursday, January 28, 2016

I Intend To Be A Parent

Hi Guys, bear with me... you know if you are a long time reader that when I have something important to say I can ramble or jump around topics.... today will be on of those days! I am gonna update you on our journey as well as answer some questions I have been getting. Like I always say... I am not a perfect writer but it comes from my heart.
I found out yesterday morning that our IUI #5 did not take. (I am now sitting here trying to decide what to write next, it's been 10 minutes........) Ok, after the disaster that last month was with me really letting myself get my hopes up only to be crushed I will say yesterday was better. (to read last months post click HERE) But sadly I am not sure that is a good thing, I had a real hard time this month and especially into this last week balancing the act of having Hope but not setting myself up for disappointment. I will admit I do not know how to balance that, at all. Starting Feb 1 we will have officially been trying to have a baby for 1 & 1/2 years and I know some people try MUCH MUCH longer but like I say, our journey is ours. AND... that is a long time. This enters our 7th month at our fertility clinic and we are so thankful for our whole team. SO......
What Happens Now?
This past Monday we spent some time with our Doctor making a plan and having our IVF consult. After a long talk we have decided to put our name on the IVF wait list which is out to April now and in the meantime starting today (Day 1, new cycle) we will do 1 more IUI. IF this IUI #6 does not work then starting in March we will prep my body for IVF. This will also give us until April for Matt and I to try and work out the finances of IVF. Without insurance EACH cycle runs between $17,000- $30,000 per try. We do have great insurance that our portion of that is still not something we have just sitting around. Matt says... IUI #6 will work and he doesn't want to discuss past that but we have to. Can we afford to move on? And it's scary how invasive IVF is. But anyways that is what our plan is. Before we left our doctors office he gave me this and told me to repeat it to myself 3 times a day as a mantra and I want to share it with you all. I know it could be helpful to some of you......
Now, I want to answer some questions I have been getting from all of you...

Why would you share this journey with everyone?
I get asked this a lot and I know a ton of you are super private so this confuses you but there are 2 answers.
1. You know me, I am an open book at all times. A great friend of mine once gave me valuable insight by telling me that the fact that I am an open book scares people. And people feel intimidated by it, which is weird because I am only self deprecating to myself but it's the fact that maybe I feel confident in my own story.
2. The more important answer is..... Since I have been sharing our journey I have had friends privately message me to tell me their own Infertility journey which is so helpful and comforting. And then I have had countless people message me to ask me questions because they are just starting on this journey themselves. When you are going thru something so taxing it is BEYOND helpful to have someone to turn to and the fact that I could be that for someone else, makes me feel so blessed. Because I have a couple of people who are that for me right now ( YOU know who you are) and I am SO grateful!

Do you guys wish you had tried earlier, why wait so long?
Yes, people actually ask that... quite often and I have answered this in the past but I love to answer it again. NO, I have no regrets. For one even if we had tried to conceive 8 years ago when we got married our doctor doesn't even know but we could have run into these problems then. Our challenges are NOT 100% related to our age. Let me say that again for people who are CONVINCED we did this to ourselves by waiting until we are 35 .... Our infertility is NOT 100% based on our age!
Now, what is frustrating is that people do not see that we waited until we were settled, we have a home, Matt has a wonderful job and we waited until we were in a really good place in our marriage to bring a child into it. And if you ask me that is the smart decision we would make again.

I get many questions on Clomid and fertility drugs from people just starting. How do they effect me?
This could be different for each person but for me the main side effect I get is intense hot flashes. SO much so that most nights I wake up every 30 minutes either freezing while I pull covers on or covered in sweat where I pull covers off. I am more emotional, but is that just this intense journey that I am on or the medicine... gosh, who knows. The shots I am on give me more side effects, they make me sick to my stomach and they make my boobs hurt more than I could ever explain. So those are the main ones to be ready for I would say.

Here is a question I got last week: How much is all this costing, my husband and I are scared to start with a fertility clinic, what if we can't afford it?
This is tough and a joke amongst people dealing with infertility is that "We already spent the kids college fund trying to make him or her". BUT we are luckier than most due to my migraines we have the top insurance there is, I mean it costs us but we are benefiting from it now.  Each IUI cycle can run you $3,000- $5,000 per try and we are entering #6. So that could of cost us about $30,000 thus far but we have been out around $6,000 so far. Which is SOO much for us still.
Now, IVF like I said can run upwards of $30,000 PER TRY. Our share will be around $6,000 per try. So yes, it is unbelievably unfair how much infertility costs. It's sad is what it is. And that is a personal decision you and your significant other have to decide what works for you. But what is even more sad is that adoption costs start at around $35,000. unreal.

How is your husband handling this?
Matt is much more private than me, so although he knows I am open and a blogger I still hold back on certain details to protect Matt and his wishes. Matt works like 12 hours days so he has a lot to keep his mind occupied. Matt is also a very very eternal optimist which is great but his reply is "IUI #6 will work, so there is no need to discuss anything further" but I think all guys deal with what is in front of them at that moment. It's hard, while your infertility can be a shared responsibility 99% of everything is on the female and her body.

Friends, thank you all for sharing in this journey with us and please feel free to reach out to me with anything. You can always email me at
And another thing I want to share before I go is that while on this journey I can be 100% happy for my friends who become pregnant, truly happy. You can be truly happy for others while being sad for yourself.


Karin Rowe said...

Ugh. I hate that IUI didn't work (yet). There is no platitude to offer that can make this any easier or better. You are in my thoughts though and I hope you have a positive outcome to your journey, and soon!

I will say don't feel like you have to justify anything you feel! Sure some people try for 10 years, that's their journey. Our 21 month struggle was so harsh, that was ours. Your road to baby is yours and valid and requires no caveat.

Anonymous said...

Have you looked into NaPro technology? It's more effective than IVF and not as invasive, don't know about the cost.


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