Monday, January 18, 2016
SO ever since I started our fertility journey last Summer, I don't sleep. Some nights it's due to these incredible hot flashes I get ALL night but the others are even more torturous. The picture above is funny but true. Why is it that when you are at the end of your rope begging God to put you to sleep that your mind decides to torture you? Literally my mind will make me think of things in the past I wish I could forget, it will make me stress over money and then my mind will then play out worst case scenarios until I literally want to cry. The kicker? Is that when I do get to sleep I have the WORST nightmares ever. I have always been prone to night terrors since I was little but now my mind just can't get enough. I am guessing that all the medicine and hormones I am injecting into myself is causing this but I would give anything for it to stop. One of my Migraine triggers is sleep. Not getting it, getting irregular sleep and right now I can't help it.... so waking up with a migraine is the final straw of my sanity. This morning I wanted to cry because I feel so awful and sadly I needed to vent so you all get to listen to this on a Monday morning. I now know why they use sleep deprivation as a torture tool because you will literally get to a point where you would do anything to sleep. Woah is me.
And when Matt asks "Whats my problem" lately, he just doesn't understand.... my entire body and mind is being turned upside down and I can't help it. bleh.