Tuesday, November 13, 2012


So a little warning here I tend to get a little "emo" from time to time but there is nothing wrong with being a little vulnerable. Second, I am not at all "fishing" for positive reinforcement or anything like that I am simply using this post as an outlet.
Yesterday I was thinking about what a crappy friend I have been this year, a crappy Granddaughter, a crappy niece, crappy daughter-in-law and well....you get the jest. You see my life is still in a state of limbo, there are parts of our life that are currently still up in the air. And you can't always talk about everything on the blog (shocking I know since I tend to over share) Our life has been in a state of change, state of wonder and in a unfinished state for well over a year now. And it is hard, it is hard to "get a life" when things are not all set in stone. I am having a hard time pulling it all together still when I feel like I have to tip toe around. And due to all of this I have talked about this before that I just pull back from everything and everyone. I HATE being "that friend" who always has something negative to say to friends, the friend who always needs to vent.....I hate it. I know my friends do not mind and want to be there for me but it is hard. (Just as my Mom) I still find myself pulling back and creating a black hole in my house that I live in. When will I crawl out? I am not good at calling my friends, I am awful at calling my grandparents and it is unacceptable but why can't I pull it together??  I need to be more involved in everyone's lives, I need to call more, I need to reach out more! I mean don't get me wrong I am ok, I am happy but I get down on myself from time to time.....don't we all? The difference maybe that I blast it on my blog....but luckily I have found that when I write a post this honest I always have a few people who will reach out saying they feel the same or have in the past. That makes me feel good that someone can see a little of themselves in me.
I love facebook, instagram and blogs because I feel like I can still follow along with my friends lives, watch their kiddos grow but I should do more. But it is like I am frozen and I can't.
And yes, I am fully aware that people move all the time but each situation is different and is your own. I am thinking that my new years resolution is gonna sound a lot like "GET A LIFE"! Ya know?

Anyways, is it just me or has Glee really gone downhill this year?


Erin said...

I can't fully understand what you're going to, but we definitely all go through phases where we feel we're being the bad friend/daughter etc. I've felt guilt over not calling my sister more often, but you know what?! Those people love us and accept us and know that life just gets in the way sometimes. And they still love us just the same when we DO call/visit etc.

I feel like I'm rambling, but know I'm sending you some virtual HUGS ;)

Anonymous said...

Just a little Dr Suess wisdom to put things in perspective.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".

Those who love you and know you and adore you through the real world or the blog world think you are pretty awesome. I am sorry you are having a "off" day. Sending hugs from Texas! - Janet

Becky said...

Girl! I am right there with you. Sometimes you just can't do anything but wallow! I totally understand.

Mrs. Squish said...

I can relate to the grandparent/phone call thing. One day I realized she wasn't going to be around forever so I put an appointment on my calendar to call her every Thursday afternoon. At first it felt awkward but after a while I started looking forward to talking to her. She's been gone almost three years now and still every Thursday afternoon I stop and "talk" to her.

Crystal Clear As Mud said...

I know how you feel, but don't get too down on yourself! We love you and you know that, that's what's important! It just takes a little time to adjust, and that's OK!

The Other Becky said...

Whatever. We still love you!


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