Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Sick and Tired

Hi friends.....2 posts in one day? You may be thinking what did we do to deserve this? Well, you have probably spoke too soon......as this post is a rant or vent of sorts............

How is my new job going? Good, I am doing good and I enjoy the positive feedback I have already gotten in these 2 short weeks.
What is not good? Is sitting in a cubicle, staring at 2 wide screen monitors for 8 hours, getting up and ready to leave my house before 7am and getting hit in the face with florescent lights all day. Friends, these two weeks have been the sickest I have been in ...I don't know how long! Every SINGLE day I have had to fight a migraine along with the urge to cry in a bathroom stall while at work each day. I don't expect people to understand, people who have only had a "headache" from time to time literally can not relate but I will break it down for you......... Currently my head feels like it weights about 50 times putting pressure at the base of my neck making me feel like a bobble head, it feels also like someone has scalped me....shoved hot coals into my skull then put my scalp back on top too tight. It also feels like I must have a itty bitty gremlin sitting on my nose shoving an ice pick into my eye socket and then scrambling it around. I know I know....this all sounds like such crazy talk from a mad women but that is how I feel 100%. This illness is something that I will have to manage my whole life....there is NO cure and yes, I have tried everything and I have a neurologist, daily meds and the whole 9 yards. It is SO easy for me to get really down, I mean I do not even know what it is like for most people who actually wake up each morning and feel normal.?! I wake up each morning praying as hard as I can asking God for a good day. And the worst part? I have blown thru my meds so much so lately that according to insurance I should only have 2 more migraines for the next 2 weeks......as in I only have 2 pills left. I have to suffer, I can barely sleep with a migraine let alone sit at a desk staring at a computer for 8 hours a day while wanting to crawl under my desk and hide.

I am sorry to blow you all up with such a Debbie Downer of a post and yes, I am thankful to be alive for all of you eternal optimistic who always count your blessings......but it is hard, it is hard to be anything but blue sometimes. And you know what? I would let someone chop off at least 3 fingers, maybe more if they could guarantee me that for the rest of my life I would be migraine free. Sad truth.


Kendra said...

I am so sorry you are hurting. I admire your courage to post about it because it can be hard to write about something that people just don't understand.
I suffer from an autoimmune disease that, like you, I will deal with for the rest of my life. With it I have horrible dry eyes, to the point that I have to wear black sunglasses on cloudy days and can't even produce tears to cry.
I have a good friend whose mother has daily migraines for the last several months. She recently went to the Reed Center in TX and is looking at some options there. Just an idea. I will pray for you for relief.

Caroline said...

Hang in there girl! First, very happy you found a new job you enjoy (minus the environment.) And second, while I haven't had migraines myself, my boyfriend started having them last Summer and they are so unimaginably excruciating - just watched him suffer like that puts things into perspective when I think of my other friends who have had them. He too works long hours in a small, dark office with fluorescent lighting and 3 monitors surrounding him at all times [he's a video game designer.] Bright sunny days and wacky lighting seem to be his triggers too. I really hope you find a way to make things better - I can't imagine living like that.

*Also: I'm sure you've probably tried it, but a pharmacist recommended this to me and it seems to help Devon - wrapping his neck with an ice pack when he begins getting a migraine or giving himself a brain freeze with ice water or a slushie seems to help a little. Good luck!

Amy said...

I'm so sorry you've been feeling so awful! I hope today was better for you. I was a documentary on juicing once and it seemed to help a lady who had migrains. IDK if they were chronic like yours but she did have them often and she said adding juicing to her diet and cutting out caffeine helped her more than anything she's ever tried. I'm not sure if you've tried this before but it's just a suggestion. I hope you feel better. You're stronger than you think.


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