Thursday, July 8, 2010

Attention!!!!!!! Please read and enjoy....

Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, Dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture..
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your clothes,
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children....

HUGE Thanks to Becky B for forwarding this to me, I Heart You!

1 comment:

Becky said...

I was gonna put it on my blog too, but it is more fitting that it be on yours.

Related Posts with Thumbnails

@okienicole

Okie a la Mode
<div class="grab-button" margin: 0 auto;"><a href="http://www.okiealamode.com/" rel="nofollow"><img src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-c4IPzZ-bl4Q/WXVUv-QHBDI/AAAAAAAATsc/FMGcfeX9o0ELqi_8TaE6mPQ02M1-hySjwCLcBGAs/s1600/OkiealaModeButton1.png" alt="Okie a la Mode"></div>

My Bookshelf

Categories

#BabyMakingDays #givingtuesday #hitchthehendersons #IVF #RHOBH 1every15 1in8 2014 2015 2016 2017 33 41 4th a' la mode abner about me ad Africa alcatraz animals anniversary anthropologie asian authors awards baby babymakingdays barsilinga baseball beach beauty because I said I would becky bedroom Bella best of the year Big Sis/Little Sis bikes birchbox birthdays blog award blog challenge blog sale blogs boards book club books boston botox breck broadmoor broncos cali car casa savage castle rock causes Challenge changetheworld charity Charleston Christian Christmas clearblue closet sale colorado colorado springs columbus comiccon community outreach concerts contest cooking country chic couponing crafty current events Curtis dance date night day trip debates DECASO decor Denver deotx deployment design dinner for one dinning room district office DIY doctors dogs dolphins drinks DSWT earl Elephant elway engaged estes park faith Fall fall fashion fall food famil Family Farmers fashion fathers day fblogger Fenway fertility friday fertility planit Five for Friday food football Friday Funny friends FSBO Fun funny furkids gameday garage Sale gentle barn Georgetown getaway getting to know me gift ideas gifts girls trip Give Aways give back glee goals God God Daughters goodies granddad grief grilled Guest Posts guests Halloween haunted health hello fresh history holiday holidays hollywood home home decor house house hunting hubby husband incubus infertility inspirational instagram interior design invisible children it works IUI IVF IVF2 iworry jeans jewelry JH job Junior League KD Kendall kitchen kol kony LA labor day Life Life Church lions lip sense love maine makeup Marine Marissa marriage matt meal plans meatless medium meds memories mexico Migraines military MLB mom monday moore mothers day mountain home move movies musical my 2 cents NBA new home New Year noah office Ohio okc okie oklahoma old pics ootd Oprah organize oscar oscars OU outfits outlander paranormal party patio peru pet photo shoot pinterest planner playoffs plus size politics pond prayer quiz real estate reality TV realtyONE Recipes red rocks relocation resolutions restore Reviews rockies Rosine sale salem San Diego san fran savage savagesellscolorado Savannah Scentsy Seattle SECOR secret secrets shopping silly sizzlin style skin snow sponsored sports spring staging stapleton staycation Stella and Dot strength style boards styled stylin summer summer slim down surlatable SYTYCD tailgate taji tattoo tbt Thankful Thursdays thanksgiving the cove thoughts throwback thunder tobi today show topper club tornado tour trailers TTC tutorial TV twilight tybee island update Vacation valentines day vegan vest visit volunteer wayfair wedding weekend weight loss weirdness What I'm Loving whatsfordinner willow house wine wineshopathome winter work working it workwear WW zoo
 
Designed by Munchkin Land Designs • Copyright 2014 • All Rights Reserved