Sunday, August 28, 2016

57 Looks for Fall!

You Guys! Today is really Sunday Funday because I have a treat for YOU and for my friend Jamie who I created all these looks for!!!! I am so excited I can't wait, so let's dive right in..............

What Jamie wanted:
* EVERYTHING! She wanted basics, outfits for school events for her little girl, Date Night Looks and I created a OU Game Day board also!
* Fall Colors and looks that mix and match!

Break Down:
* These looks come from several stores: J Crew, J Crew Factory, Lush, Evereve, Old Navy, Target, Stella and Dot
* NOTE!! I didn't add in the price of the Jewelry because Jamie sells Stella and Dot and all the pieces are linked to her site!
* On these 8 boards there are 57 COMPLETE looks from Head to TOE!
* The total for ALL is $1,040. Which is more than I usually do boards for, BUT I only provide 4-5 boards per client and this time I gave her 8 boards of options since she wanted basics and all new everything!
* The complete price per look HEAD TO TOE is $18 per outfit!!!!!

How can YOU shop these looks??
Under each board in blue is the link to each piece online! A few things to note: Ignore the prices under the boards those are incorrect and I am unsure how polyvore pulled them. Also ALL Evereve pieces take you to my Pinterest and from there you can go to the website. Why? For some reason Evereve will not let polyvore pull pictures from the website!

Lets get to the good part.... The LOOKS!

* Game Day Looks!
BOOMER SOONER
This board have 6 complete looks all with just the change of the shoe depending on how dressy you want to be!!! Jamie- Make sure you roll up the sleeves of the long sleeve top to shoe your wrists and bracelet!!
Jamie Fall Game Day Looks


* Board #1
This board has 8 looks, each top pairs with the jeans alone and you change the look with the change of a shoe! THEN each top goes great under the Black jean jacket, pair with the leopard shoes for Date Night or the tennis shoes for grocery shopping!! This board is effortless Chic!
Jamie Fall Looks #1


* Board #2, Camo Jacket!
Camo is the IN thing for fall and this jacket rocks!! This board has 5 looks, each of the looks goes great with one of the 2 booties from Target! NOTE! The jacket runs big for make sure you go down a size for a more stylish look!
Jamie Fall Looks #2


* Date Night!
This board has 6 looks and I am in love with everyone! Those pants and that leopard dress.... YOU NEED them and so do I!! The pants go with the black tank or the white sweater and both will be so cute under the black jean jacket! The dress can be worn with or without the jacket also! PS- those pants are so comfy you will feel like your wearing your sweats out!
Jamie Fall Looks #3


* Board #4
Let me count the ways I love that shirt!!! And yes, trust me... It goes under that camo jacket and paired with each shoe! Remember I ALWAYS say leopard is a neutral! There are 4 looks in this board!
Jamie Fall Looks #4


* Cords!
Corduroy pants are the perfect way to switch up from wearing jeans and I LOVE these in the Berry color! There are 10 looks on this board PLUS 3 bonus looks if you pair the camo jacket over them instead of the jean jacket!!! Each of these looks can be dressed down with the tennis shoes or dressed up with the booties!
Jamie Fall Looks #5


* Cords Take 2!
I told you these cords are perfect for Fall and so is that over sized white sweater! There are literally 12 looks on this board, everything on here goes with one another perfectly... there is NO wrong way to wear anything below!
Jamie Fall Looks #6


* THE Fall Dress!
Ok, HURRY up and order this dress!! It is ON sale and sizes are limited!! This dress can be worn alone or with either jacket and shoe to change it up constantly! This is going to look so chic on you!!!
Jamie Fall Looks #7


Jamie! I hope you LOVE everything and I am so excited to see it on you whatever you order!

Are you needing a Fall wardrobe update??? I would LOVE to create boards for you or for Family pictures I can style your whole family! To see more of what I have done click HERE
You will get 4-5 boards within your budget for $40! Shoot me an email for more info or to get on this list! nsavage@live.com


Friday, August 26, 2016

Follow-Up Update

I wanted to update you all on our Doctors appt yesterday, I know so many of you have invested yourselves into our story and we appreciate that.
My doctor came out to the waiting room and gave me a huge bear hug and then walked me back to his office with his arms around me. It was a kind gesture but it kinda felt like I was being led to the lethal injection room. But really.
It was a long talk and I will give you the highlights.....

* I am not a candidate for IVF again, but he said if I was like insistent on doing it a 3rd time he would but I need to know the chances of it working are less than 15%. Why would I do that again, put myself thru that to essentially fail and waste money again?

* We both then wanted to discuss all other options thru his office such as Gestational Carrier and that was immediately ruled out because the price tag can reach 100K. Last I checked we are not rich. 

* His recommendation is donor egg. We would go thru a Donor Egg agency and essentially adopt an egg from a person we choose and vet, that person would do IVF to get the eggs, the mature eggs would be combined with Matt's sperm and then I would undergo a round similar to IVF to prep my body to transfer the embryo to me. He said the chances of success are good, around 60%. But the cost out of our pocket is around $35,000.  Is 60% worth that, it is worth being biologically 1/2 of us? If it fails we are literally OUT 35k??

* We asked about adoption but he is in the business of fertility so he had negative things to say and pointed out all the worst case scenarios. Which was not great for Matt to hear. I get it, thats his job and yes... with a donor egg we would be screening the person for everything in the world and know 100% she is in TOP health and adoption you don't get that. Also, adoption is upwards of $35,000.

** Many of you have suggested a second opinion, and that is an option. But do I want to start over? Do it all again? A lot goes into this also. But yes, I have thought about it.

Conclusion: First we need to rob a bank. Second, We have none, honestly we got home and didn't even talk about the visit. I think we were both hungry, we both just heard that I personally will never have a biological child, who wants to discuss that over dinner?
GOOD news is ... I made a chocolate cake yesterday afternoon because I figured we would need it!
Next: I am going to start research on Adoption Attorneys here in Denver and Adoption Agencies, I want to set up a meeting with them as well. I want all options laid out so we can make an educated decision. You know Matt said, "maybe we don't have children". And maybe we don't. But I also think that is just the heartbreak talking right now. It's also going to be hard to figure out either way how do we get the money after this past year. Take out a note? Sell a car? I dunno.
How am I: In complete denial. No, really. Completely.  How do you process information like that? I have not at all. It's like I don't know how. I feel like I let Matt down and my parents. Who in the last few years talk about how stunning a child of ours will be but now we mostly likely will never know. This is a loss for them too, they have been beside me for every step and are grieving this week also. Hearing your parents cry is so very hard. So I guess right now I seem to be more concerned with everyone else than myself, which is very "me". I dunno, thats the best answer I DUNNO. How do you process the BIGGEST milestone to happen in ones life?

I saw this quote on a infertility Facebook page yesterday and it HIT HOME..........
"The truth is, there is a fine line between continued perseverance and acknowledging that you have had enough and it is time to stop"

Monday, August 22, 2016

Failure (LONG post ahead)

This right here folks is what 7 Failed IUI's and 2 Failed IVF cycles look like in real life...........

 Oh ya, I am the proud recipient of each of those needles and honestly I will keep them. Possibly forever as a reminder of how strong I am and what we went thru. I know it sounds weird but if you have been thru it you'll get it. This is my participation trophy.

I use "most likely" a lot in this post and what I mean is there is always a .01% chance of a miracle.

SO last week in my IVF update post HERE  I told you all that after our IVF egg retrieval was cancelled my doctor did one last "Hail Mary" by inseminating me via our 7th IUI. Technically we shouldn't know if it worked or not until THIS coming weekend but my body decided that it didn't want us waiting around on pins and needles (ha) and it gave me the answer this weekend.... I started my period. So no, our 7th IUI has also failed. Starting my period 9 days early is crazy but not so bizarre, it's like after IVF your body is so mad at you that it literally wants everything out (gross, I know) so my period saying HOLA early isn't unusual. I have called my doctors office and informed them and we now have our follow up appointment/ discuss optional next steps THIS Thursday at 4:30.

What does this mean? We knew going into this IVF cycle that if these changes in medicines produced better results than last time but didn't work that we could possibly do a 3rd cycle. But we also knew that if this cycle didn't produce positive and better results than last time that "most likely" I would no longer be a candidate for IVF. And I shared that information with you all a few months ago. Since starting my period this weekend I am going to be honest we haven't had time to discuss this together, Matt and I nor have we had time to process what we are feeling. But oddly yesterday both of us felt like lying on the couch and watching movies all day. It was an unspoken feeling that we both needed a day to relax and give our brains a break.

How do you process that you just found out that you will "most likely" never have a biological child. Or at least not one from us both. You see after trying for 1 year and then 1 FULL year of infertility treatments this started out as a sperm problem then once we really got into IVF we realized this is an egg problem. Sperm, is an "easier" solution, you just need 1 good one of out the thousand you are given. But if you body doesn't give you an egg.... then your screwed. (or not screwed, hello... is this mic on? I'm trying to lighten the mood) SO we are going to learn more about an egg donor on Thursday. But even with an egg donor and if that becomes an embryo with the sperm I will still have to go thru an IVF cycle to "prep" my body for the embryo and I am going to be honest with you all as I have been with Matt........ I am not sure I can do it again. It sounds so easy when you type it out, like come on Nicole but after this last cycle and almost ending up in the ER, it's hard to describe but you guys I was so sick I cannot put it into words. I gave this MORE than a college try... ONE FULL YEAR of infertility treatments, needles, painful procedures, disappointment, money. And yes, WE both did this together but it's the women body who does all the heavy lifting. So ya, I talk in first person instead of we. I am 100% into learning more about the alternative options and my husband is someone who needs to exhaust everything before moving on, so we shall and we will.

Now, before someone comments and says "Why don't you JUST adopt" let me talk. Absolutely. It has always been something I am 100% open to. But we had to go down this path first, like I said exhaust all our options before moving in that direction. Am I ready to move to that path? Yes, I honestly think I am. But it is so complicated....... First of all after all we spent this past year where are we going to get $30,000-$40,000 to adopt? That doesn't magically happen and we haven't discussed this option yet between us, I am just speaking on the cuff here. Matt needs to focus on what is currently going on and not talk about what if. I like to talk about what if. We need to have this conversation about egg donor with our doctor on Thursday first, learn about that before Matt can have this second conversation with me also. If we choose this path of adoption we will need time to mourn. We haven't even had time to mourn what we found out this weekend. Time to grieve for what could have been, time to get our minds right before moving in a new direction. Infertility is so emotional in so many ways that you can't understand unless you go thru it. It is complicated and complex on a marriage also, we all deal with things differently. Me... sadly I have a hard time expressing emotion, hard time grieving this loss... I told my bestie on the phone last week I just "Can't" and she said she has cried everyday for me and I told her to keep it up.... express those emotions for me. ha! But for real. I push things down deep inside and they bubble up as anxiety....it's who I am. Matt doesn't like to discuss the negative and for him it bubbles up as rage. We are all different people and I know people who have done all this and it comes out differently for them too. I will say this time, this past week I have been MAD.... mad at the situation, mad at myself and mad at other people too. Why don't they understand what I am going thru I think and I get mad.... it's all so hard. And being sooooo honest and real on here is hard. I worry about people who will judge, who will think..... who the hell knows what they could think.....

But you know WHY I do this?????? Because over the past year as I walk you thru this process of mine I have gotten countless messages from friends who thank me. Because they did this and see themselves in me, friends who are doing this and don't know anyone else who feels like they do and people who are learning about what their friends and family have gone thru. THATS why I do this......
Sometimes I think maybe that is why I went thru all this, maybe I am a small voice for those who can't speak up about this. Who knows.

I will obviously let you all know how Thursday goes and what we learn our next steps could be, because I am an "over-sharer". HA! But really, I would like to hope Matt and I can spent some time learning about options and then pick one to put our positive thoughts and efforts towards. This wading in the water isn't my jam.
Once again thank you all for your kinds words and prayers... Thank you to my parents Sunday School class especially for all your prayers, I appreciate it. And right now pray that God can help us each work thru our own process of grief and that we can see clearly on what the next steps for us will be. And ya, more than anything I would LOVE to see what a small human made up of both Matt and I could be. Would it be a dancer? A baseball player like Matt? Would it be chatty like me? Who would it look like? Would he or she be blonde and have blue eyes like Matt and I? What personality traits of mine would they have or would they be more like Matt? And we will always have to grieve that, work thru getting past that and it will be something we will always have to continue to work thru.

XO-

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Friday, August 19, 2016

Friday Round UP!

I am going to be honest I don't have a ton to say right now because for the past week 4 days I never left my bed and then the rest of it was spent on the couch. And we all know I love my couch time but I could just scream, I am so tired of being sick. This afternoon I go to the Acupuncturist who I am hoping can get my body in check and help push me to get better and back on track. Fingers Crossed. 

Anyways today I have 3 fun reviews for you and they go GREAT, Good, eh.......

* OK, I know...like you haven't heard about this show by now and most likely you have already watched it but for the few of you left (BECKY I am talking to you) DO IT NOW! No really, watch it this weekend.... I swear to you, you will love it. It is Steven King meets the Goonies and I can go on for days about why I love it. The kids are perfect, it was like they were born to be in the show... literally. Matt loved this show, my parents loved this show...... trust me, you will thank me. 



* Suicide Squad
2 weekends ago Matt and I went to see this... you know we love a good Super Hero movie so we were excited about this. This movie got terrible reviews so my hopes were not very high BUT We loved it! Ya, the story is weak but the way it is presented was too much fun. And the music??? We bought the soundtrack on ITunes before we even made it to the car! This is just a fun, no thinking required movie that your husband will most likely love!



* The book review......
SO, everyone loves this author myself included and right now this is the HOT book of Summer but I have to ask myself WHY>????? I was being nice when I gave this 3 stars on Goodreads! So this is about one fateful BBQ and the lead up lasts 3/4 of the book... when it is finally revealed what exactly happened it was the BIGGEST let down. The chapters of this book are about 4 pages and every chapter switches point of views, time frames and it is so confusing and it is confusing with pointless back stories that I couldn't wait to be done of. Listen, this isn't the worst book but this is completely forgettable. Don't waste your Summer reading this.


Wednesday, August 17, 2016

On the mend...

I just wanted to check in and give you guys an update on everything. Finally yesterday I was feeling a little better and I wanted to do something HUMAN so I did laundry... I mean I literally ran out of lounge pants. I did a little at a time, not to over do it.... I am weak. Not eating for 72 hours and being in bed for 5 days STRAIGHT is a lot.
Today I am feeling better, each day is an improvement. But I can't do too much..... again not to over do it and I am weak. You know this is the sickest I have ever been and I can't really explain it.... sick to my stomach, migraine, cramping, bloating and over all literally wanting to just disappear because I felt so bad. Today I am meeting a friend for lunch, yup... in my lounge pants because nothing fits I am so bloated. But I NEED to leave the house and I need to do something to feel like myself again. Maybe some internet shopping will help! LOL

I did buy Matt and I a little something to look forward to.... Saturday The Doobie Brothers and Journey are in town and I got us tickets. I need something fun and hopefully I will feel up to it.
Happy Hump Day friends.... I am off to do the cats litter! yay me

Monday, August 15, 2016

IVF, What Happened

Hey All I am sorry that this post is days late but I have been and still am the sickest I have EVER been. Really, like beyond sick. BUT let's back up to last week.................

This cycle we did different hormones because the last cycle didn't produce enough eggs so if you remember my doctor said we would try things differently and if we get good results then... Great, hopefully we can make a baby but if we get bad results then most likely I am not a candidate for IVF and we would not move on past Cycle 2. Sadly, on Thursday we learned the latter. The combination of the medicine that I was injecting into me was killing my body this time and Thursday I woke up sick as a dog, so sick that Matt literally had to undress me, help me walk, literally inject me while I was in bed while I was crying. So by the time we made it to the doctors office I was in a bad state. And we knew as soon as the ultrasound wand was inside me that my follicles didn't grow enough. I cried because I was sick, I cried because I was sad and I cried because I tried so hard. They waited a few hours for my blood work to come back but we both knew that the call was that the cycle was canceled. BUT what I didn't put on Facebook because I didn't want to use the insemination on Facebook was that they had us come back Friday morning for an IUI. We did 6 of these if you remember, none of them worked but they/we wanted to try anything that would give us hope out of this mess. So yes, there is a chance this worked and I could be pregnant and we will find out in a few weeks but honestly I have been so sick I can't even put good vibes towards that right now. And I appreciate our doctor trying to pull a hail mary and give us something.... anything that could work.

The thing that is hard to grasp when an IVF fails is much like last time.... the amount of money for one that is now gone, the time, the emotions, the injections.... everything we did and it didn't work. And this time what I put my body thru and how sick I am..... IVF is something you would never wish on anyone, you don't know until you have done it. Last week I was in bed Thursday morning thru Yesterday. We have to wait until these hormones pass out of my system, we have to wait until this painful excessive bloating goes down... I currently look about 5 months pregnant but it is just painful fluids and the weight of my stimulated ovaries. Yesterday my doctor said if I got worse over night that Matt needed to take me to the ER, luckily I am about the same so I was able to avoid that.

I think one thing about being so sick is that I haven't been able to process this all yet, process that most likely on Thursday I found out I will never have a biological child. So many emotions go with that, its like I am on FB this weekend and everyone is living their BEST life, you know what I mean... so #blessed and I am living in the worst part of mine and I realize that life goes on and the world isn't going to stop because I am in a valley right now. I am in a place currently where I can't deal at the moment with other peoples stuff, ya know what I mean? I need time to deal with my stuff and I am sorry but I can't deal with your life right now too. Am I rambling?

OK ok.... moving on. So in a few weeks once we know if this IUI works or not we will then have our meeting with our doctor to discuss what happened and what is next. There are a few things on the table but I am not sure at this point at least I want to do anything more again. I am not sure I can. I am a planner so hopefully soon Matt and I will know the options, have our time to process and discuss and then have a new plan. A new plan that we can move towards.

Lastly, thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers. We truly appreciate it, very much so. I am heading back to bed.... you know it's bad when even you cat is tired of you taking up space in the bed 24/7.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Boston

Hi Guys, I thought I would finish off our Boston trip today with the last highlights of the trip!! The Friday Matt and I were there it was the hottest day of the Summer plus the humidity combined with all the walking and it was too much for me! I wish we had been there in the Fall and I could have enjoyed it more! But you know us we are go getters and we walked the Freedom Trail in the heat of the afternoon! ha This is me smiling while knowing I am covered in a heat rash .......
 I did love seeing all the gravesides and imagining all the history that has taken place there but like with any popular place you are surrounded by 100s of people at all times!
 I loved how these historic places are just in the middle of the city, the city just built itself around them.
 This is the historic Park City Church from the Freedom trail but it also happens to be the building where Delta Delta Delta was founded a LOOOOONG time ago by Sara Ida Shaw. SO that was pretty neat seeing the history of something I am involved in!
 Heck ya we went to Cheers, I loved that show and it is a CAN'T miss! And the neighborhood it is in is just stunning, the brownstones are incredible. I like to picture what the people do who live there, what lives they lead.
 Sunday of our Trip Matt played golf with his Oklahoma friends and I took a bus tour of Lexington and Concord, historic American Revolution battle sites. This is minute men park, the statues and monuments are dedicated to the farmers and ordinary people who would lay down their lives in a "minute" for the cause of freedom.

 The park itself was stunning and I really feel in love with the suburb of Concord. I wish I could of spent more time there.... it is so charming and full of history.
 Outside our hotel is this stunning building.... this is the oldest Boston Fire house. It is still working today but in the old days the left part was the stables where the horses were kept. I loved seeing it everyday.
Monday while Matt was in workshops I did the last minute tourist things.... and in the middle of the North End, Little Italy is Paul Revere's home. I loved this, it's original and seeing how people lived in the 1600s was so neat for a history buff like me. 
I also went to the Tea Party Museum and even thought it was recreation and re-enactments I really enjoyed it. I also learned that after being on that ship I would NEVER survive a cross sea journey. NEVER EVER. 
 Now this my friends is REAL history.... this is the ONLY original Tea Party box left in the world. It blew my mind, being in the presence of something that has "seen" so much .... I love it. I would recommend this museum as a must see for sure!
Overall the trip was great, I love seeing new things and being places that have seen so much history. It was TOOOOO hot but it is what it is! Til' next time Boston!


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